On the Days When Everything Feels Like Too Much

There’s this quiet heartbreak I witness every day. In my practice, in my community, and yes, even in myself. When smart, capable, deeply caring people just... can’t do The Thing.

Not because they’re lazy* or unmotivated or need a better planner, but because The Thing is tangled in a web of invisible weight. Sometimes, it’s not even one thing. It’s all the little things. The laundry. The emails. The scheduling. The dishes. The dissertation. The “boring” parts of life that get coded as easy by a world built for brains that are wired differently.

* laziness isn't real y'all 

And when you have a neurodivergent brain, whether it’s ADHD, autism, anxiety, or a combo platter, this tangle isn’t just a nuisance. It’s often a daily blockade. Not because you don’t want to do The Thing, but because the bridge between wanting and doing is glitchy. And we don’t talk enough about that bridge. We don’t talk enough about executive function.

Executive function isn’t about how smart you are. It’s your brain’s “get stuff going and keep it going” system. The part that manages task initiation, working memory, impulse control, and emotional regulation. It’s what lets someone see a pile of dishes and just decide to do them. If your brain throws error messages at that moment, it’s not because you aren’t trying hard enough. It’s because your system isn’t booting up the same way.

The real kicker? These aren’t optional systems for adulthood. You’re expected to have them online every day, no matter how glitchy they are. So when someone says “just do it” or “make a list,” it lands like a punchline to a joke you weren’t in on. And the shame starts to pile up. You know you should be able to. Everyone else seems to. You start to think maybe it’s a character flaw. (It’s not.)

Here’s the thing: you’re not broken. Your nervous system is just running a different operating system. One that doesn’t always line up with a culture that treats productivity like a personality test.

Let me say it clearly. Your worth is not defined by your output.

Doing “nothing” for a few hours, or days, or longer, when your brain and body are in shutdown or overwhelm mode? That’s not failure. That’s a sign your system is asking for support. It’s a sign you might need a new approach. One that fits the way your brain actually works. Not another round in the shame spiral of shoulds.

(When I saw clients in person, I used to joke that I needed a “Should Jar.” Kind of like a therapy-office version of a swear jar.)

I work with so many folks who tell me they feel like a sack of potatoes when they can’t get momentum going. But a sack of potatoes is still alive. Still holding potential. Still capable of growth. Some days you’re just underground, doing the root work.

That’s not nothing.

In the next post, I’ll share some ideas for how to support yourself when you’re stuck in the mud. No miracle cures. No motivational bootcamp nonsense. Just gentle, doable things that honor your nervous system and help you find a little traction.

But for now, just know this. Your struggle makes sense. You’re not alone in it. And you don’t need to become a different person to move forward.

And just so you know? I’m really proud of you.